Lessons Learned from being screen-free...

Last Monday we got an email from Max's school.  They were encouraging families to participate in "Screen-Free" week.  As I encouraged the boys to give up their 30 minutes a day, Dan jumped  in and said that we could all do it.

My first thought?  Panic.  Serious panic.

Because, far worse than my boys, I am a screen addict.  From the hour or two of TV at the end of the day to the hours spend on the computer, large parts of my life revolve around a monitor of one sort or another. And if it isn't the tv or computer, it's the iphone - a screen I always have with me, and one that has become my personal security blanket.

But I agreed.  I could do it.  It was only a week.  And we did make the caveat that we could continue to check email.

The first couple of days were the hardest.  And I did cheat one afternoon when I needed to make doctor, dentist, and hair appointments, and all the phone numbers (as well as my calendar) were online.  And I cheated again on Saturday when the recipe I needed was on a Pinterest board.  But other than that, I held true to my word. So what did I learn in the last week?

1. I am a creature of habit.  In the cars line at school pick-up, the first thing I did was reach for my phone.  When the boys went to bed at night, I almost automatically went to my chair next to the laptop and in front of the tv.  I spend a lot of time NOT thinking about what I am doing, but just following routine.  That is a habit I need to break.

2. My life is very plugged in.  My social life, my work life, and even the tools I need to manage my household all involve an internet connection.  In many ways it makes my days easier, and I rarely stop to appreciate the conveniences our life affords me. Screens aren't all bad.

3. Without screen-time, I have more time for other things I love.  I read a book, knitted, played board games, cleaned house, and prepared for the next day instead of scrambling at the last minute. While computer time or a great movie can be satisfying, there are many other things I could be doing for even greater satisfaction.

4. I felt like I actually SAW my children more.  And not just because they weren't watching TV. But without all of the distractions of screens, there was more time to notice the adorable freckles on Luke's nose and talk with Max about his newly-discovered enjoyment of baseball.

5.  It's easier to be screen-free when it's nice outside.  We had the most beautiful, summer-like weather all week, and really, none of us wanted to be indoors.  Sitting out on the deck  or riding bikes in the driveway, the time passed outside.  I think we all would have struggled more with this week if it were cold and rainy.

6. Screen-free didn't mean less busy.  Our schedules didn't magically open up into vast oceans of time to explore and craft and play.  We still had soccer and meetings, gym time and school work.  So going screen-free doesn't solve every ill. Life doesn't automatically become a idyllic oasis or calm.

7. But being screen-free did lead to less fighting.  Since they had more time to play together, the boys fought less so they wouldn't have to play alone.  And I fought with them less since they got more of my focused attention. Our house was more peaceful.

Overall, I'd have to say the week was a great experiment. Mostly for me. The boys are eager to be able to watch their 30 minutes a day again, but I am feeling a little less excited to return to old habits.  It was a wonderful time to re-calibrate, look at how we are spending our time, and find ways to be more intentional. My facebook newsfeed doesn't hold the same appeal when weighed directly against  a great book or backyard soccer game. After spending an hour today catching up, it was easy to close the computer and walk away. And after taking this few minutes to record my thoughts here tonight, I'm looking forward to turning the computer off and heading for an early bed time.

Are we throwing away the computers, phones and tv?  No.  But maybe, for a while at least, they'll play a smaller role in the life we want to be living.

A perfect day...

It doesn't happen often.  A day that is absolutely perfect.  But when it does, we have to  take notice.  Sit up and appreciate it.  And never forget.

On the first Saturday of February, we woke up to a beautiful, sunny, morning.  We puttered around, had breakfast, and began to think about the day.  We didn't have any obligations, and decided that we should take advantage of the beautiful weather.  But first, it was time for the gym.  After Zumba and Centergy (a pilates/yoga/stretching class), the boys and I headed home, eager to  figure out the afternoon.  While cleaning up, an idea struck.

The beach.

It had been months since we had been there, the weather was perfect, and there wasn't anything standing in the way (other than the fact that it is almost 2 hours away and it was already 1:00). I tentatively tossed the idea out there, and Dan was kind enough to take it up and agree.  In a quick whirlwind, we rushed around gathering snacks, sand toys, sweatshirts and jackets and boys. We were off.

Arriving at Cannon Beach, we headed straight to the sand.  In the shade of the famous Haystack Rock, we settled in to building our "biggest sand castle ever".  With all four of us working we built tower after tower, dug moats, and found driftwood and other shore treasures for decoration.  The sun was warm on our backs, and soon, shoes and jackets were removed.  It isn't often that we get to enjoy a 57 degree day on the coast in February, and we were taking full advantage of it.

For three hours, we dug, played, laughed.  Waves were chased.  Holes were dug.  Moments of perfection were frozen in our minds. Even when the waves came crashing onto our castle, it only made it more beautiful and mysterious.

We stayed until the sun set.  Buckets and shovels were packed up, sand was dusted off our feet, and we headed to the car.  The boys spent the evening telling us we had just had the best day ever. 

I have to agree.

 

The "one word" for 2013...

One of my favorite things about the new year is participating in Ali Edward's "One Little Word" project.  I've written about it here and here and even here.  But, to be honest, last year's "light" just never struck the chord within me that I needed it to.  I wasn't sure I was going to choose a word this year.  But when hanging out with my sister over vacation,  she asked me what my word was going to be for the year.  And then a few others of you asked.  And as the new year approached, I realized that it was still a project that inspired me and I might miss it a lot if I didn't give it a shot.

So instead of jumping right into a word and announcing it here, I've been sitting with it for a few weeks.  Trying it on.  Making sure it fits.  And it really has. So my little word for 2013 is...

(insert melodramiatic drumroll here...)

peace.

1: a state of tranquillity or quiet 

2: freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions

3: harmony in personal relations

I naively thought that switching to working halftime a couple of years ago would automatically bring peace to my life.  But it hasn't.  While I no longer get paid to work as many hours, the time "off" has allowed me to fill our schedule with activities and other obligations. After all, I'm only working part time, of course I can take on things x, y, and z.  And my children are older, so it's easier for me to do things a, b, and c than it used to be.  And the afternoons and evenings fill.

I also live in a house of two very active boys.  And as anyone who knows them can attest, quiet and tranquility don't often accompany their natural behavior.

So peace has been missing.  This year I'm going to look for it.  

Or at least ways to bring a little of it to my days.

Already, my word has helped me to make some choices that are working for me.  One of the biggest sources of noise and "disquieting or oppressive thoughts" is the media that I take in.  I stopped watching local news a few years ago, and that has helped.  But still, plenty of negative talk and attitude and emotion enters my world through television and social media. This year I am going to work at turning it off.  Not stepping away from Facebook and the like entirely, but consciously deciding if it is bringing joy to my day or just adding noise.

At Luke's school, they talk a lot about being peacemakers.  I absolutely love them for that, because that is how he is coming to view himself.  As someone who actively seeks peace. (Like all of us, he's a work in progress...) I want to be a peacemaker.  With my boys, that sometimes means being more involved in their play.  With my students that means encouraging their kindness and the value of shrugging off the social pressure of coolness.  With my husband that means strengthening our friendship.  And in all of my relationships, I want to work at finding a harmony that supports.

And sometimes, I just want some quiet. 

So, peace it is.  And may peace be with you.

A December recap...

It's been over a month since I visited this space.  Not because life was so quiet and calm that there was nothing to write about - but precisely the opposite.  December is a whirlwind of advent-celebrating, family-visiting, food-eating, gift-goodness that just doesn't stop.  And this year was no exception.

Nearly every morning in December the boys took great delight in opening our advent envelopes.  Inside they would find the activity or event of the day, and usually squeal with delight. From tree cutting to Christmas movie watching, the advent calender guided our fun and brought us a little magic every day.  Favorite activities were visiting Santa (always at the downtown Macy's), reading Christmas stories by the fire, and decorating the house for Christmas.  There were two new hits this year - making gingerbread houses (although we cheated and used graham crackers) and an indoor "snowball" fight with cotton balls.  Our advent celebrations have been a lot of fun, and it has worked really well to switch the focus to activities rather than "stuff".

Our Advent Calendar

Visiting Downtown

Luke asking Santa for a kitten

Max asked for a 3DS

Gingerbread house construction

 Christmas itself brought a great deal of magic as well.  This was our year to celebrate the holiday with my family.  My sister's family came from Ottawa and we all went to my parents' house for the week of Christmas.  While small by some standards, the 11 of us in one house (including kids ages 7, 5, 4, 2, and 6 months) felt busy, but our days were full of laughter and memories made.  Watching the cousins play together is always fun, and it was amazing how well they all got along.  There were ice skating and fort building adventures, baseball in the snow, stories with Mema, and lots of cuddling and wrestling. My sister and I had great fun dressing our families in matching pjs, which made Christmas day seem even a little crazier - red and green and white stripes everywhere.  Santa was kind enough to bring just what each child hoped for, and we all felt very spoiled with the gifts surrounding us.

A snowy baseball game

Listening to stories with Mema

My adorable nephew

The note Santa left for Luke with a gift of cat treats

Such a happy kid!

All five kiddos

Right after Christmas Eve Mass

My Canadian nephew just chillin' in the snow

Bungee cords may have been his favorite gift this year!

Lots of stripes.

Horse rides with Papa

 It was a wonderful month.  Lots of joy and love.  All we could have asked.  

One of my favorites

Five already?

Once upon a time there was a mama and a daddy and a happy two year old.  All was good and easy in their world.  They could go to the grocery store without fits, they could eat in a restaurant in relative calm, and aside from the squeals of glee and occasional tears, the house was fairly quiet.  So they decided to have another baby.

The house hasn't been quiet for a second since then.

Today is Luke's 5th birthday.  It's nearly impossible to believe that my baby is so big already.  But it is completely impossible to imagine our world without him in it.

I can't help but remember his older brother telling a stranger that "my little brother is the funny one". Luke was all of 18 months old.  But even then, Max was right - Luke is funny.  Seriously funny.  With his own sense of comedic timing and verbal skills beyond his age, he constantly has us cracking up.  Sometimes it is in the serious way he approaches a situation, or his overactive imagination running a storyline we can barely keep up with.  But if he's around, he's got us laughing.  Sometimes it's the only reason we let him stay.

Sometimes it's the outfits.  This kiddo has a serious interest in fashion and costuming.  Lately he has been a fan of "dressing fancy" which includes wearing two dress shirts (one short sleeved, one long sleeved), a tie, a belt, dress pants and church shoes - no matter where he's going.  If he's going to play a sport, the outfit must match the sport.  And if it's 95 degrees, he's perfectly happy in a sleeveless shirt, basketball shorts, a wool stocking cap and snow boots.  Or a cape any day.  Just because.

But beyond being funny, he has a genuine heart that slays me.  He chose his birthday party location so that one of his little friends would be able to attend.  On the way to his party he reminded us that another friend eats gluten-free, so we should stop and pick up a special treat.  And he offers to share any new toy/food/treat with his brother just because he wants Max to be happy. He's a masterful cuddler, and will curl up with anyone sad or lonely.

Ah, this little boy.  My little boy that isn't so little anymore. Our noisy, crazy, funny sweetheart who is helping us to live happily ever after.

Back to your regularly scheduled blogging...

I've missed this space. Missed taking the time to sit, focus, and reflect on our lives just a little.  So I'm working my way back.  I can't promise anything earth-shattering or ground-breaking.  No major epiphanies while I was away.  but I do know that if I don't take the time to write things down, then all too quickly it's like they never happened at all.

I'm still feeling thankful, and in that vein, thought I'd celebrate blogging by sharing some moments/experiences from this fall that I am grateful for:

1. The delicious foods of fall. In our area, tomatoes don't hit their prime until September, just as the best apples are coming on.  We love both, and enjoying them at their peak is a treat we have truly come to appreciate. This year we also added a membership to a CSA (Circle of Friends for you locals - they are fabulous!!), and that has made fresh, local, and seasonal even easier for us.

2. Family traditions.  Both boys have really keyed in to the idea of traditions, and often will speak about their favorites.  Visits to the apple orchard and pumpkin patches always rank very highly on their list, and things like carving pumpkins are mainstays we can't imagine doing without.

3. Halloween. Both boys are in full command of their costume choice at this point.  Max knew from the very beginning that he wanted to be a green ninja.  No problem.  Luke, however, had a harder time deciding.  In the weeks leading up to Halloween he debated going as a dead possum, a toucan, or an invisible squirrel.  In the end, though, finding his old mummy costume in the box of decorations was enough to sway him that direction.

4. Soccer season.  Max's love affair with soccer has continued, and this season we ventured into the world of outdoor fall soccer.  He loved every single second of it. He had wonderful coaches who placed high priority on ball handling, skill development, and position play.  He grew a great deal, and still enjoyed scoring goals with consistency. We were lucky to get to share the soccer season with all of his grandparents, and Luke loved the extra cuddle time that brought for him.

5. Luke's birthday party.  Yesterday Luke had his first real birthday party.  He wanted to have it somewhere where "kids could run around and be squirrelly", so we ended up at Precision Elite Gymnastics.  Luke and his 10 friends got to run, jump, twirl, and climb to their hearts' content.  Everyone seemed to have a great time, and the birthday boy was thrilled.

7. But perhaps our favorite fall moments have been the ones spent in laughter and fun together.  Whether it's going through a hay maze, gathering acorns and fall leaves, crafting, or drinking hot apple cider, just being together has been wonderful.  The boys are finding more and more ways to enjoy each other, and Dan and I are loving the chance to observe their friendship and independence grow.

It's been a good fall.  There have been some bumps in the road that I may address here at a future point, but this weekend was a great chance to remember just how blessed we are in this life.  Now, off to get the decorations out for the birthday boy tomorrow!

A beautiful fall day...

Sometimes you just get lucky.  A day goes practically perfectly, from beginning to end.  Today was one of those.

Step 1. A fall soccer game in which Max scores three goals.  He played his hardest and had a great time.  

Step 2. A fun Saturday morning Zumba class - I'd missed it this week because of meetings, and it felt so good to be back. (Yeah, it surprises me as much as you that I feel that way about an exercise class!)

Step 3. Lunch at Best Burgers - we'd been wanting to try this burger cart for a while and today was the day.  The food was yummy - especially the garlic fries.

Step 4. The apple orchard - We've been going to Kiyokawa Orchard for several years now, and it never disappoints.  Today was a spectacular visit - blue skies, ripe honeycrisps, and a hayride.

Step 5. A first time visit to Draper Girls Farm to buy raw cider - Dan started  fermenting cider last year and is looking forward to giving it another go.

Step 6. Pizza Dinner and a movie - since the boys both slept on the way home, we knew they wouldn't be ready for their regular bedtime.  We decided that a rare pizza and family movie night was in order.

 

Seriously.  How lucky are we?